As a networking Jewish single Orthodox Jew in New York City, the shomer negiah conversation is one that comes up frequently in the dating world. For those unfamiliar, shomer negiah refers to the Jewish practice of refraining from physical contact with members of the opposite sex until marriage.

What Is Shomer Negiah?

Shomer negiah, which literally translates to "observant of touch," is a halachic practice observed by many Orthodox Jews. It means avoiding physical contact, including handshakes, hugs, and any other form of touch, with someone of the opposite gender who is not a close family member or spouse.

Having the Conversation

One of the most challenging aspects of being shomer negiah in the dating world is knowing when and how to bring it up. Do you mention it on your profile? On the first date? When the situation arises naturally?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but here are some approaches that many Orthodox singles have found helpful:

  • Be upfront: Many find it easier to mention it early so both parties know what to expect
  • Be matter-of-fact: Present it as a normal part of your observance, not something to apologize for
  • Be prepared for questions: Not everyone will be familiar with the practice, and that is okay
  • Be understanding: If someone has a different level of observance, approach the conversation with respect

Navigating Different Levels of Observance

Not every Jewish person you date will have the same approach to shomer negiah. Some may be fully observant, some may be partially observant, and some may not observe it at all. The key is honest communication and mutual respect.

Finding Someone Who Understands

Platforms like JMeetups allow you to express your level of observance on your profile, making it easier to connect with people who share your values. When both partners understand and respect each other's boundaries, it creates a foundation of trust and mutual respect.

Shomer negiah is not about rejection; it is about respect. It is about building a relationship on emotional and spiritual connection first.

If you are an Orthodox single navigating shomer negiah in the dating world, know that you are not alone. Many singles share this experience, and the right partner will understand and appreciate your commitment to this practice.