If you are looking for advice, help, suggestions, or even someone to be the intermediary for you in your dating journey, working with a shadchan or matchmaker can be an invaluable experience. Here is everything you need to know to make the most of it.

What Is a Shadchan?

A shadchan is a traditional Jewish matchmaker who helps connect singles for the purpose of marriage. While the role has ancient roots, modern shadchanim operate in a variety of ways, from the traditional community matchmaker to professional services that combine personal insight with modern tools.

How to Find the Right Matchmaker

  • Ask for referrals: Talk to friends, family, and community members who have had positive experiences
  • Research their approach: Some shadchanim work with specific communities or age groups
  • Meet them first: A good matchmaker should take time to understand who you are before suggesting matches
  • Check their track record: Ask about successful matches they have facilitated

How to Work Effectively Together

Be Honest About What You Want

The more honest you are with your shadchan about what you are looking for and what your deal-breakers are, the better matches they can suggest. Do not tell them what you think they want to hear; tell them the truth.

Be Open-Minded

A good shadchan may suggest someone you would not have considered on your own. Give people a chance. Some of the best matches come from unexpected pairings that a skilled matchmaker saw potential in.

Provide Feedback

After each date, give your shadchan honest feedback. What worked? What did not? This helps them refine their understanding of what you need and leads to better suggestions over time.

Be Patient

Matchmaking is not instant. A good shadchan takes time to find quality matches rather than rushing to set up dates. Trust the process and remember that your bashert is worth waiting for.

Combining Traditional and Modern Approaches

Many singles today work with a shadchan while also using platforms like JMeetups. There is no rule that says you have to choose one approach. The more avenues you explore, the greater your chances of finding the right person.

A shadchan is not just a matchmaker; they are an advisor, a sounding board, and sometimes the person who sees your potential better than you see it yourself.